Same Old....people NEVER change...

I can see maself slipping...and can feel it...







these people are driving me...and idkkk what to do...







and if I don't figure something out soon.....Something is gonna happen...






I feel like a piece of unappreciated .. disrespected shit...





and that's not even the worse part....




the thing is....that I didn't even see it coming....normally I can feel this type of thing happening....but this just hit me all at once....

so I guess that makes me a stupid unappreciated disrespected piece of shit.



1 whole year later and nothing?????



well all I can do is scream..
FUCK THE WORLD!!!!!
at the top of ma lungs....





I was stupid for thinking that people could change their ways...who they are is who they are.....And I don't need anyone...ever.




Fuck the World and everyone in it!


I truly hate ma life!





Nothing ever goes right for me no matter how positive I am...Nothing....





And you know what I don't even give a fuck anymore....there is nothing that anyone can tell me ever I have no faith in humanity......
We suck !!!!!
We're all gonna die one day and cockroaches are gonna rule the fucking earth anyway so what's the point?!?!?!?!....








im tired of being the nice ...polite...positive.....caring...selfless girl.....where the fuck has that gotten me?






Its gotten me here!


so Fuck it...Fuck this.....Fuck life .....And FUCK YOU.....Because I don't even give a shit right now...





--------------------------------------

FML...ugh

okay....




She is Driving me crazy!!!!!








its always something with her....




(mami issues times 3000)



She reminded me of why I got the fuck the first time...




can't do this much longer!

___________________________


oh and if things couldn't get any worse....MAJOR CRUSHAGE!!!!!!!

omg I don't even know how it happened...it just did..





and the reason why its sucks so much is because I know it will never work out....and it sucks...




so imma just ignore it all together.






somthing like maybe ....possibly....thawing ma heart out for a little bit??????





naw too stressful.



anyways peace homie.

M.I.M.S...(Music Is My Savior)...Real Shitt

okay so I had just balled my eyes out.....



talked to the bestiesss..



still felt like shit.....



so im laying there weak...






and I roll over and something stabs me in the thigh...


My Guitar pick..



wiped my tearsss...
put down ma phone and picked up ma guitar....
and played a slow heavy rift...



and opened my mouth and even though the genre's clashed this is what came out..





*"I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah)
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith"*



of all things to sing how the hell did I end up busting out someMiley Cyrus...lol



seriously though I can't dwell on past decisions because they have already been made...and are not erasable.



dried ma tears and picked up ma guitfiddle?
story of my life...
im not over it....
but im at peace with it.


I love you for what you gave me...and taught me..
and I am forever grateful...
this goodbye is for both of us....its our second chance.
I understand if you hate me now....but eventually you'll understand




much lovee homie.
Goodnight.

Euthanasia at its finest........

when you really care for someone you feel what they feel.....




Their pain is your pain...



So how can you hurt me so and maintain the ability to walk around unmaimed.......



I don't understand.....







My pain should be like a fracture..... it would break or crack in your heart.... it could result to a Trauma to your Soul and then cause Brain damage....


(Should .....Would.......Could??????)

There for you would be on my life support......
Every Rise and Dip in my Heart Rate...in My blood Pressure would make or break you.


Leaving me to ask the question......

So should I let YOU LIVE!?!?!?




All thing considered idk right now....




but this hurts something vicious....



Positivity in this midst of chaos is always short lived.....
White flags are always waved...towels always thrown in the end....




This is it.......



I just might have to pull the plug for real this time.





Peace Homie

This is Rough........

Thoughts

So I spent most of of my day doing nothing but making phone calls to banks/ my job/ and references...





Boring......




I know.......





so finally I called my close guy friend Isaac(aka CupCake)....





and he picked me up and we went to the park for a few sets of tennis...



Now ofcourse since I haven't played in forever and he is awesome at Sports.lol.
He beat me in straight sets .ha.





but while we were playing they're were some highschool kids in the parking lot....




and some graduates.....




and they were just posted up at the park....outside they're cars....smoking.....drinking ...
being lame.





Not that smoking and drinking is lame....its just that they were having the time of they're lives....and when I actually thought about it...like 10 years from now
they are still there......






And its sad...




they don't even want more for themselves.....



its sad...





and I know what you are thinking.....but im not judging them
im just making an observation and it makes me appreciate the fact that I have great friends who never just take what is given to them..



and that I have surrounded myself with goal-oriented individuals.....who have ambitions and are makking stepss toward the advancement of themselves...
and they aren't just content with the existing state of affairs that is their life...






<3333333 MA FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!






Peace Homie!
(tha sky is the limit)

A day in the Lifee........

Okay so.......





And ummm.......







YEA!





lol(actual laughter)






But ma day was straight .....






Woke up.




Got ready........





Waited For Shemia(the wifey.ha)

ta pick me up.......



once I was with her .....we drove 30 minutes way and went to her school....for something or another...she had just been in a bad car wreck and didn't wanna drive by herself.




so we get there and chill and walk around....





*slow mo sets in*


And I see him.....



why didn't it occur to me that this was his school too after all...


*rolls eyes*



So being the nerd that I am....



I grinn and walk faster....lmao.





idk if he reconized me at first...
but eventually who I was clicked.



"omggosh"
*insert awkward hug here*
"you cut your hair! where have you been? I missed you"


*rolls eyes*(im doing this now....didn't do it then probally should have though.)


Instead all of ma responses were kind and friendly...


"Hey!!!!.....yea I know...all over....yea I missed you too"




when in all actuality it wasn't good to see him....and my number had never changed so if he missed me he could've called......





but I have a weakness.
(im not gonna tell you what it is....lol(fake laughter))






so idkkkkk
that fucked up ma day basically.




pretty much ....yeah.





then Shemia and I went to her house to watch STEP BROTHERSSSSS!!!!!
(Awesome Movie...nuf said.)





Then We went to the Gym and worked out for 2and 1/2 hours......



Lord knows ma ass needed it....
Gotta get right fa the Summer.....and the rest of the seasons too...lol





but yea.... im tired so im out bruh......








They call her love love love love loveeeeee!






peace Homie!

A day in the Lifee........