accecpting responsibility

for hard times in your life is never an easy task.




and sure things may not alwas be your fault....
but not being able to realize fault whomever it might belong to is only setting yourself up to endup in that same situation ....if not worse .






"yea bad things happen to good people.... but bad things also happen to people who put themselves in situations where they know bad things happen."


- Alexis Smith, BFF


this girl is and always has been wise beyond her years....





hope for the best. but expect good. and prepare yourself for the worst.



words that i have heard many times in my 19 years.






its just so hard for me to be pessimistic about some things. extemely hard.
but i want to be able to thrive in life...not just get by.






so you dont wanna put yourself in situations where you can be victimized....
always think!
something thats hard for me....
tinking at the right times.
because you can only be rode .....if bend over ...





peace homie

My thoughts are my own...........

so I send the remedy to my 1 and only fan.lolClearing my head and sorting though my thoughts is difficult sometimes.....however I am a thinker....that's what I do...now I realize that my thoughts are only a part of the chemical makeup that makes me who the fuck I am.....but sometimes they consume me.does that make me crazy?????okay now I know that you are probally wondering where im going with this...hell im wondering where im going with this....(( because im too blown.)))but please just bare with me...because all jokes aside I need to sleep and in order to do that I have to get this shit off my mind.=)could I be brain wrestling ????maybe.could I be on to something genius??????you never knoww!so hear me out....Thoughts are the most personal thing that you have..period.They are truly your own...No one can read you mind....((that I know of))no one can take them from you..((aside from brainwashing but that's a WHOLE nother blogg.lol))So why do we feel the need to share our thoughts....do you ever think about that....The one thing that is meant for us....that noone can ever steal....why do we feel the need to tell people what we are thinking...Thoughts are special....why do you think that we feel so disrepected when someone steals an idea????lol.because they stole the closest thing to you and now you feel unoriginal in doing something that everyone else starts to do....take fads /trends for instance.....someone sees someone doing something ....thinks its dope....and starts doing it...may happen to make it famous..or infamous.. depending on the individual....and now all of a sudden people are doing it..take...for instance.hip hop.look at it in the 80's .....and look at it now.back then everyone was doing the same thing....the whole gangster rap thing...and that style of music withing the genre stuck for a moment.but now......look at the game...pants are starting to fit(( more or less.lol))every shirt you see isn't a 4x tall tee.its more fitted....skateboards are getting broken in...and guitars are coming out...you see just because some mainstream rappers decided to think for themselves.....outside the gangster box that was provided for them....the media and society.....and really something inside of you! that identifies with that artist tells you its okay....so then you do so as well...you know what im saying...meanwhile...while you are coming out and being true to your thoughts....or should I say..their thoughts....the people who from jump...don't give two fucks about what people think about them...who have , all their lives.... been dressing how they want...talking how they think...and listening to music that they can vibe to....no matter if it was "cool " or not.....are outraged.....and feel like its a slap in the face ......why is this...when we should be happy and proud that people are being a little less closed minded than they were b4 the fad....but we can't help it ...its instinctual(spell check)) because we feel like they stole what was truly ours...the closest thing to us..a thought ...an idea.so we get mad and avoid "posers"......really you would think that someone sharing an interest of yours you make an ally.but it seperates us instead and makes an enemy....crazy...because really there are no original thoughts right...I mean they way im feeling now...and the thoughts im having.someone has probaly been here and done this..you know...but I digress....because now I know im brain wrestling.loland honestly I won't remeber none of this in the morning.to be continued..peace homie.

Guilty Pleasure/An Overdose of Imitation

It seems we love the things that are bad for us,Mind over matter, it doesn't matter to usBecause we mind the words and leave behind what matters,Too busy chopping up words served to us on a platter,But it doesn't matter how you dice 'em,Serve 'em up cold and then switch the heat on,They're just hors d'oeuvres to prep you for the real ones,Covered up in facades to leave you pleased and,Anticipating the main course to satisfy your appetiteSalivating for a fix that leaves you tasting for a bite,Of that substance that doesn't suffice,For the craving of real that feels right,Because right now the preservatives your serving just ain't fresh enough,Watered down, coated upI'm past my limit of that fake stuffPrepping your words for some quick returnPleasing tongues for the time being while you get yours,But the taste has faded too soon,And the words have left a bitter bud to bloomToo aware of any pint of substitution,So your attempts are too soon caught before you can excuse 'em,Now when you're ready to bring the pure ingredientsDon't forget to leave out your old habits,Because those cold left overs aren't enough fulfillment,For someone who notices the differenceFrom the real and store bought presentation of temptation,That leaves no lasting impression,Instead impress me with a lack of showing off,Serve it how it's made and then it wouldn't be so hard to trust,That the words that you're giving are really raw and uncut.(the moral of the poem: people talk a whole lot of shit that is meaningless! lol and we fall so easily into their trap because it sounds so good, so watch out for the fakes, they will front like they offering you somethin' you never tasted when in the end it's just as bitter as the rest)

pain without love?

sitting in silence soaking in the substance that surpasses my eyes ........




big hearts break twice as hard......
and are the easiest targets simply because the boundaries are so vast.





pain is relative......
but this shit feels as if i was impailed (( spellcheck i know)) by a marble collumn the likes of which were only erected in the villas of ancient greeks.





why is it that love from others is always easier to accept ...than love from yourself.


when you can trust you.
can anticipate your actions.....
and justify how you feel.




however trusting others is more complicated
you never know what they are to do.
and justifying someone feelings impossible....
because by no miracle of sympathy or empathy can you ever feel exactly what someone else feels.



there are few people that i love that haventhurt me in some way.idk why i am so sensitive.
maybe its because i care too much.




some find vulnerability alluring.
is it a sense of confidence or naivete.....
i have found that life itself is a thin line....full of living walking talking contradicting complexities that make up the human race.



Ashleigh Bazile = an obsessive , carefree, selfless, proud , self conscious , determined , lazy , honest , liar, bossy, submissive, intelligent, naive woman who is sensitively strong !




its really easy to see the contradictions...once you step outside yourself.




This is me learning to love just that.




peace homie.