The Realm of Contentment

have you ever felt as if you were screaming at the top of your lungs only to find out that no one is listening...



Like you are near a brink of some sorts...and you dont know what is beyond the barrier all you know is that once you pass it there is no return......











It seems like all these situations and decisions are bomarding you at once and none of the solutions fit into a possible realm of contentment....










In hard times every little annoyance can seem like a personal attack....























What does it mean to be content.......













is it simple a state of sans souci(no worries)









Does it mean having all that you desire?





knowing that everything is perfect?





or is it more complicated than that...........













I'm starting to believe that being happy isnt about having all that you want in a perfect world...



It's about having what you need , knowing what you want( not in a sense of material things)... realizing that nothing is perfect, and being ok with it.






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Sometimes I push.....



And I do this because I want others to be happy. I go out of my way for people to help them find peace of mind((a.k.a happiness))




and it almost always backfires.....
this happens because......






1.) Maybe in order for people to find happiness they need to do so on their own terms which is most likely alone.


2.) Its difficult to guide someone to happiness when you, yourself are despondent.





But this becomes a problem when my very being is pulling me in a certain direction even though
I'm trying to change.









I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM......





I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY I FEEL THE THINGS THAT I FEEL.



all I know is that I feel them so they are real and thats all that matters.






that all sounds really good until you realize that no one else will ever possibly feel what you feel.


this is the point when sentiments become invalid....






almost as if your feelings are only in place to distract and evade you.
clouding your judgement. feelings are like illusions.






And as soon as you can learn to stop being so sensitive and to stop thinking of every little obstale so subjectively then maybe you ca truly be happy.